It's a crushing weight; I can literally feel shoulders pulled down. And it's a specific feeling - it's not a typical depression, or stress. This is an ominous sludge that I can't help but walk through. It's like I can feel it pulling me along and into its maw. I know of two moments in my life that I've felt this before, and if they're any indication... well, something wicked this way comes. Do I think I'm psychic? No, of course not.

Spent the past weekend with my father and brother and Amy (or is it Aimee?) in the far north. Brought Elizabeth with us because she would be spending the next few days with Papaw and Nanna (the designated nicknames for her paternal grandparents). We surprised Dad with a Blu-Ray player and The Dark Knight, and for those who may have missed it, I take it back, I was wrong, movies in HD are god damned sexy. Now, the gift I was expecting was the Logitech G15 keyboard, and I'm very happy with it. I'm also very happy for my Dr. Pepper pajama bottoms, which are full of win.

Christmas 2008 was spent working. And driving. A lot.

Now, there's a precursor to all of this that you need to be aware of: my cell phone does not make outgoing calls. I can receive them just fine, but I can't dial out. It could be that it was dropped into a lake, or took damage in some fall from an amusement park ride, or was too close to a solar flare, or I just didn't pay my bill this month. I'm sure it was one of those.

The Independence DMV. They are bastards. Or at the very least, the fat bitch that was my interface with the agency today was.

Warning, my language in this post is "colorful".

My license expired. A few month ago, actually, but since it only happens every four years it's the sort of thing that can slip by. I've known about it for a couple weeks now, but I also knew that I was moving shortly, so I decided to wait until after the move to get it renewed, lest I end up paying the fee for a new license twice.

Life. It goes on, ya dig?

So, last Tuesday we had our yearly "White Death" event. Bunch of freezing rain and snow and surely we were all going to die. I woke up that morning and headed into Custom Computers - the weather was hardly even wet. I had to leave work there after an hour because I'd found out that I had somehow not realized that I'd put on a t-shirt for work. That wouldn't do, I had to head home to change before going to Pomeroy. Headed home, got changed, checked the auctions in Warcraft, then headed out.

For the uninitiated, Maher road is impressive.

Revisionist History
This was a originally posted with a different title, and then there were comments and suddenly the world was a world of drama. So here I am, reposting it with comments turned off because that's what Vickie wants. I do this not because I want to make her happy and satisfy her every request, but because I fear what she may do when she realizes how easily she can hurt me.

It's unfortunate that because the Internet is so accessible and "open" that content must be guarded or obfuscated behind nicknames.

it's all slowed down

like the build up of a symphony or
the slow frames of a movie before
the hero's best friend dies

it stretches and tightens and screams and
no one really knows where the breaking point is

Every thought is forced and every action is muted. I have been to the top of the mountain and I have achieved what few people do - I've lived my dream, the ultimate realization of my life's goals. I woke up from the dream earlier than I'd hoped, but I did it, I lived the dream and now I don't want to dream anymore.

I'm forcing myself to write this because I just spent the past twenty minutes reading over all of my posts from 2008 (there were only a few of them) and felt I should mention what has been happening.

I don't plan on spending a lot of time on this one. Not that I don't have a lot to say, but my heart's not in it just yet.

Vickie is leaving.

She will be moving out on July 18th. I'll get to continue to watch the kids a few days a week over the summer, so they won't be gone from my life entirely, yet. By the end of summer I plan to change my schedule so that I'm available on the weekends to watch Elizabeth - in this way her custody schedule will match her brother and sister's and she'll be able to spend as much time with them as possible.