I don't know how helpful this will be but, reading this, you sound exactly like my ex. I left him 4 years ago, to be by myself because I had fallen out of love with him, we fought all the time, and being married to someone I didn't love made me feel miserable. I still care about him. I want him to have a good relationship with our daughter but I had to leave for my own sanity. It had nothing to do with him. It had to do with me and my feelings and my sense of self worth. My ex is still hurt and I wish I knew what I could do to fix it. I didn't want to hurt him by leaving but neither of us were happy. I don't understand how why he can't remember how miserable we BOTH were in that marriage. He doesn't though. For reasons I cannot understand, he only remembers the good and, well, I guess I only remember the bad. I hope that wasn't more harm than help but that's my honest answer.

Q, I feel for you. Personally I understand exactly what you are going through. Two wives, two users who spent the best part of me and then cashed it in for freedom. The first went by the wayside and ended up going down hill. I was happy to see her go to be honest. The second wife well, she used everything I had to give and when she was done she started dating a nineteen year old for Christs sake.

You have to realize, you are an awesome person. Your personality and your heart are your best allies. You gave everything you had, and I know thats little comfort.

However you have to look on the bright side of things. Lord knows you gained a beautiful daughter out of this ordeal. She is special and if for that reason only you can be thankful. Thats alot to be thankful for.

In addition you got to and get to spend time with wonderful kids Tory and CJ.

Please don't beat yourself up any more. Vikki didn't and clearly doesn't know what she wants out of life. An no matter what situation she is in now, it will crash and burn because she is not ready to be happy. You have to be happy with yourself to be happy with anyone else. An it seems like she never was, you cannot be blamed for that.

Painful as it is you will make it, as I did. I have come to realize that if a woman can't see how well off she would be with a catch like me, fuck her.

As always I am here for you, if you want to scream, blow off some steam, talk or come out and blow things up! It does wonders lol.

Peace

This is the problem with me writing about my life like this. No matter how much I may or may not agree with people, I do not want this to become a Vickie-slagfest. It is not my intention to dismiss or blame her - she's doing what she believes is right, I can't fault that.

Which, obviously makes commenting on the situation very difficult, and why I pretty much focused on myself here.

And no matter how much I (really really really) want to believe that there was nothing I could do to stop this, or that I am completely blameless (which I don't believe), it doesn't stop the ache and the question: Why not me?

And before that possibility comes true, no, I do not want Vickie to answer that question. Not here. Not privately.

It's better to not know. God, I wish I could just forget the things I know now. Even the good things I discover are damning and painful. I just want it to end.

Baby daddy # 3 might be on it's way. lol You just keep your head on straight and be happy.

I want a say a few things. I completely agree with all of you. I am not right for Quentin. However, please remember there are always two sides to every story. I'm glad to see Quentin has the support and comfort of all his friends.

I originally started this comment to say that I was going to turn off comments for this thread because I'm afraid that Vickie's post may be seen as an invitation to open fire directly at the source. I'm not going to lock the thread because I'm still interested in the subject of the post and don't want to stifle that. I just ask again that you please not force me to edit comments or remove posts because they're attacking her. There's no need to be insulting.

I'm an old friend of Quentin's from High School. I've read here off and on for years and always enjoyed seeing pictures of old High School classmates.
I've never met Vicki- just Quentin but I would like to say this even though I've never posted anything....
Quentin you said-

"I told her that if it took leaving me for her to be happy, then I would let her go."

I'm not sure when this was, but you haven't let her go. Letting her move out and letting her go are two different things. You know she's not coming back, your friends have told you that you are better off, so REALLY let her go. You cannot make your daughter happy and you and Vicki cannot have a relationship that is healthy for the children involved with you still holding onto her.

She has two children that aren't yours that you love very much. I can tell you this, right now they might still care for you but one thing with kids, they almost always will side with their mommy right or wrong, and if you keep this going you will lose them, if not now but years down the road.

Let her go Q- its better for all involved. I'm not defending her or putting you down- I know you hurt. I'm just speaking up for the kids. Sometimes its just best to cut your losses and love what you can love- the kids.

See? This is why I leave the comments open.

That was an eye-opening remark, and you're right. I haven't truly let her go yet. I honestly don't know how. I didn't know how to let her go when we broke up after high school. And now I really don't know how, since I'll be seeing her on a weekly basis for at least the next eighteen years. My goals in life of being a father and husband have been redefined from the moment we said "I do" to being her husband, so letting go of her truly is letting go of my dreams.

But you're right. I haven't truly let her go yet. Which, to my defense, shouldn't be a surprise - it's only been a few months since she moved out. But that's exactly what I need to focus on. The how of it is difficult for me. Lots of people are able to mask it with anger - they get mad and yell and keep themselves angry so they can't see anything positive about the person they're attacking. I really can't do that - I've tried, ask Vickie; I've really dropped a lot of my own rules in our arguments lately, but I resign and have even apologized - I don't want to become an angry yelling ex-spouse, and I don't think it's good for the children to see that.

With the obvious exceptions of "time", anybody have any suggestions of ways to finally (after more than sixteen years of devotion) let her go?

give me a break move on and be happy u have a little girl n your life!!!!!!!!!

Q- I really don't know how to tell you to move on. Just focus on your daughter and the other two kids and put all that love and energy into that.

If you two need to- for a while- can't you use someone else to drop/ pick the kids off? A mutual friend, grandparents? Just someone that will keep them a few minutes until the other comes. Maybe without the face to face contact that would help.

Wow, a lot of good info as well as bad. Let me start by saying that as with everyone else, good luck going forward.

I have gone down the divorce road myself and hated a lot of people, mainly her for a very long time. However, I did come to grips and found myself enlightened one day....

For couples to be happy enough to want to marry and ultimately want to have kids, they both MUST know that the other is trusted and respected in every definition of the word.

The thing that really eats at us is the added affection, and in ending...the lack thereof. It's nature, we like to have intimate affection. That is what sets the significant other on a pedestal above all of your other good friends.

Ok, so here's the kicker...growing up, who did you enjoy playing Metoid with...or digging "The Hole?" You had a lot of friends but you truly enjoyed a particular friend better than the others in each of your different activities you enjoyed; one for going out on the tressel, one for hanging around the house, etc.

Your passion for each of those different enjoyed past times were all a way of being affectionate with whomever your "favorite" friend for that activity was.

Ultimately you have to consider that you and Vikki were and very well may be the best friends either of you will ever have. The missing feeling of affection will pass in time, just as it did when you hadn't done one of your favorite past times for a while.

Far too many couples pass right over the strength of their friendship and dwell forever with hatred or depression.

The important thing is to stay friends. When we were all young, did you ask the question, "Why not me?" when after weeks of enjoying digging the hole suddenly ended? Were the friends who helped every day and now seen once a week a reason to ask "Why not me?"

People do gain and lose affection for people as well as possessions. What they don't lose, even though is it sometimes over-looked, is true friendship....which is love as well.

I hope this is helpful.

I recall when crossmymind.com was up, I remember when this site was current. It seems that the two of you have broken vows in the eyes of god, for whatever reason. God will make divorce very painful, very disturbing, very aggressive in nature. There's a child involved in the midst of all of this, and that divorce will stain that child in their life subconciously because mom and dad couldn't stay together.

What I gathered from the cross my mind articles was a person very self-absorbed, comical in reaching through their own printed words to top the last statement with a better one. Most times the rants and raves could of been condensed like soup and served in a can of alphabet soup in less than 300 characters. The incessant ranting did not take a life of its own, but rather implied an emptiness that words was not concealing. Anyone that harbors that much emotion is a mess on the outside of the equation whether you admit for the sanctity of argument or the cowling down of disregarding rebuttal of sorts. Either way, it's obvious that the end came sooner than anyone thought, or believed.

Please explain to me how a woman can write endlessly expressing sincere and deep love, only to have those words stripped and left for others to understand that they had light footprints in the life of concrete we all stand on. Yes, I read what you wrote, and I'm calling you a liar. You can't handle that because you know what you wrote was storytelling, otherwise you wouldn't be miles apart with a child as a victim.

The parents are going to be the true criminalistic minds to this design at this point. Agreeing with the sentiment that it's okay that our daughter changed her mind about life and let's make this a go, we'll shuffle the kid around like contraband between smugglers.

So many falsehoods become of a storyteller. So many words that deaden the path of being true to oneself. How dare you insult the integrity of so many to think you actually meant what you said, about your loved one.(Quentin) Your tears are not worthy of a tissue because you'll cry for the reason that you wished no one could recollect those words you pranced onto your stage of meaningless rant. I don't have a dog in this fight, just an observant to something that from afar depicted something that wasn't true to soul.

And now a child has become this token of a once-was relationship that from the outside appeared on solid footing. It's now the decision of a mother who will be granted the most time with this child if she corrupts the mind of this small person to follow such steps in the ridicule that man, woman and child isn't the focus of true life, but mom making a decision that will punch holes in the recognition of a young lady that becomes a young adult woman who will follow the very same steps. Why? Because the torture of a time spent years ago with the storytelling of the mother of "why daddy isn't with us" in her slanted/pointed view is going to needle the thread of deception, just like the words I wasted read time on like so many others.

This brings a summary of words to an end, and what resonates so well at this point is a credibility issue with a woman and her true feelings. The magnitude of that statement isn't just a perception of just one person, it's a consensus building like a raging fire that ordinary people can put two and two together and figure out that those writings on your wall were just stories, fictitious stories of a la la land you lived through your typings that must of served a purpose to you only, no one else because it's evident that none of it was true. When a woman has a credibility issue it destroys what positive energy they provide, the physical beauty, the presence that you represent one that can be trusted with your word.

Every single day you wake up in this world with a child sleeping as innocent as children are, waking up to your new life with your husband out of the equation,

you, are living a lie of what you think you represent as a woman with true sense of motherhood and what you are to your child. I hope this gets revealed on this blog, but I doubt it since the truth can burn holes right through the image that this isn't what happened on the outside shell of just another divorce. If you even knew the sadness that child now harbors. It's not here yet, but its coming. The ugliness will rise from the deception and the mirror you place yourself in front of every day will tell you what is seen in your eyes.

In the past week or so there has been a sudden influx of spam to this site - I considered briefly disabling comments entirely; I settled on just flagging any comment with a link as spam. That was two days ago - I'm very glad I didn't disable comments.

Dear Anonymous: Your post will require some thought before I give it a real response. I'll be honest, I have some difficulties following its many threads. Tomorrow I hope to be able to dedicate some time to it. I'm not completely sure to whom the sentiment is directed. Am I one you call a liar?

.... I'll go ahead and give a hint at my response. It's something I've been cooking in my head for a few weeks now; I just haven't been able to build up the courage to say it on the site. I know now why no matter how well I knew Vickie I could never predict her actions; and I do know her, better than she knows herself and quite possibly better than anyone alive knows her. But no matter how clear my perception of her was, I could never predict how she'd act or react, and it all came down to a fundamental flaw in what I expected of her. Everything I knew about Vickie always included the fact that she loved me. She did not. Once I accepted that fact, and make no mistake it has a hard fact to face, her actions and motives have become simplistic to understand. I'll expand on this soon. Promise.

You can call me anything you like. I'm insignificant to your private affairs. What I find truly repulsive in the meaning of marriage these days are how easily the sanctity of family values have been crushed. I don't care who's at fault, who is to blame, what caused all of this. But I'll tell you that any man that takes interest in a woman who has made a choice to dissolve what was in the best interest of a child will find hardships in her future relationships. Demon posessed. Those vows cannot be erased in the house of god. Disobeying that ritual for the reason of desire, is shameful. Robbing the traditional value of that child and their upbringing will hurt that child more than anyone knows, and I blame the grandparents for being such a pawn to allow the quick remedy of self preservation. Sickening and lowers the boom down on actual human grade of people they are. Another broken home for a child. A mother that will spend time away from this child to work tirelessly to provide. And who does this child spend a large part of their upbringing with? The bed, the grandparents, and the creators of this child. One by delegation of time constraint, the other when work life and social life come first. Tremendous shame in being a mother like that.