Christmas 2008 was spent working. And driving. A lot.

Now, there's a precursor to all of this that you need to be aware of: my cell phone does not make outgoing calls. I can receive them just fine, but I can't dial out. It could be that it was dropped into a lake, or took damage in some fall from an amusement park ride, or was too close to a solar flare, or I just didn't pay my bill this month. I'm sure it was one of those. But that, dear readers, is the crux of the issue, and caused me no shortage of suffering on this fine Christmas day.

Robin and I had worked together to get CJ and Tori a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. Getting that, in and of itself, was an adventure. One bright morning a month ago I was out and about with Elizabeth and decided to pop into a GameStop just to see if they had any. To my great surprise, they did. I immediately hopped in line and when they brought it to the counter I realized: I had no wallet. Yup, left it at home that morning. Why? I don't know, I can only assume that it was some cosmic deity fucking with me. I explained to the man, "Look, I've been trying to find one of these for a couple months and it figures that the day I do I don't have my wallet. Can you hold it?" It was against store policy, but he said he'd hang onto it for an hour, and lo, I returned with the cash. Christmas was saved. God bless us every one!

So, I had this Wii for CJ and Tori, and Robin had the extra controller, so we needed to link up somehow. The plan was to hook up on Christmas morning and deliver the gifts, then head to Jay and Conley's to deliver gifts there, and then I was off to work my standard 1pm to 9pm shift. Yes, I'm working on Christmas. I have no family at home waiting for me, what do you expect? I got up and headed out, expecting Robin to call at some point. I had to get my prescription filled, and THANK YOU WALGREENS for being open! They said it'd be 45 minutes to fill my prescription so I headed out to find food.

Holy shit. I drove for an hour without ever leaving Florence and Erlanger. Mall Road, Houston, Commonwealth, Dixie, US42, SR18... AHA! Lo, there shining on Christmas Morning, a beacon to all the weary and lost and without food and shelter, behold our savior: Waffle House.

It was packed. (What with it being the only place to eat in TWO CITIES.) How packed was it? It was so packed, that when I entered the door a server greeted me and said, "Welcome to Waffle House, how many are in your party?" I shit you not: I was greeted and seated at a Waffle House. Being a (lonely, forsaken) party of one for Christmas Morning, I was wedged at the bar with all the rest of the divorcees, widow/widowers and truck drivers. I watched them make the food for the masses. What a machine that was to watch! I could almost image employee meetings at Waffle Houses throughout the year behind closed doors, like a drill sergeant: "Jason, you've got to be quicker on that griddle and less slop; Christy, good job on the drinks but you missed two in the corner. People, Christmas is coming. It will test you, it will exhaust you, and until you have scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, peppered, capped and topped in your heart... it will break you." These half-dozen or so were on form, and I had a front row seat to watch the show. It was short-order cooking and line frying at its best. When my meal was done my tip was more than the price of my meal.

Which, by the way, I plan to do from now on! I talked with Woodall about this and he's on board. From now on, every Christmas, I'm going to go find some fast food place and have a meal, and I'm going to tip $50 or $100. I figure, if you're working on Christmas, you need that money. If I can get a few people together on this, hell, can you imagine if a waitress (or waiter) landed a $200 tip on Christmas morning? That's good karma folks.

So. Where was I? Oh yeah, I drove all around the place looking for food. Then it was off to work. Eight hours, two phone calls. Two. All day long: two. I read the entire Internet. Robin did finally call me, after he woke up at 3pm, and I explained that I needed the controllers before 9pm. I also called Vickie to find out what was going on, but she didn't answer so she was already at her parents'. I didn't leave a message, which in retrospect I wish I had, just to cover my ass. The day goes by.

Finally, at a few minutes before 9pm I call Robin to explain that, yes, I still need those controllers, don't worry, I'll come out there to get them. Then I call Vickie, whom I'd apparently woken from a nap. "Are the kids going to be up in an hour?"

"No, they're already with their Dad."

W.T.F.

Apparently she was disappointed that I didn't stop by that morning and (decided?) didn't call me to find out why. Nor did she even think to have the kids call me to wish me a Merry Christmas. I didn't show up that morning or call to wish Elizabeth a Merry Christmas (aha!), so I was cancelled out of Christmas. What if I’d been in an accident or something awful had happened? I'm glad that wasn't the case, because she wouldn't have bothered to call to find out.

I call Carl and find out if the kids will be up for a while. They will be. I tell him I'll be there in an hour. Here comes the fun part of the story!

I'm in Hebron at work. I call Robin to tell him I'm on my way to get the controllers. I leave work and drive to Covington, but Robin's lights are off and there's no answer when I knock. My phone rings; it's Robin. "Where are you?"

"Burlington." He'd been at Jay and Conley's. For those who are out of town, Burlington is about three miles west of where I work, and I'd just driven to Covington, which is about ten miles to the east. Well, I had boxes in my hands and needed to get on the road, so I tell him to call me back in two minutes. I needed to find out if there was time to get the controllers from Robin before the kids go to bed, so I needed to talk to Carl, but I can't make outgoing calls, so I'm waiting on him to call be back so I can have him call Carl to tell Carl to call me, and I need this to happen before I hit I-275 so I can know if I'm going South or West when I get there and I'm cruising down I-75 and the phone's not ringing and now I'm at I-275 so I'm forced to start headed West and god dammit why isn't the phone ringing cause it's been twelve minutes and I've been driving with the phone in my hand and now I'm finally at the Burlington exit back where I started almost an hour ago and I just wish - ring.

"Robin, the next time I tell you to call me back in two minutes, I mean literally 120 seconds. Where are you?"

"Turning onto I-75."

Shit. More than that, I cursed loudly and spun the truck around. We'd passed each other on the highway and he was already almost back home, in Covington, where'd I'd just left. I headed out of Burlington back to Covington (again!) and told him to take an exit and call Carl. The details at this point are fairly moot, suffice to say, I ended up at Robin's house and Carl was fine with me showing up at 10:30pm, which I did. (I also apologized to Robin for yelling at him on the phone, which he understood, situation being what it was.)

So, I finally arrive at Carl's and, surprisingly, found Christmas. Here were kids, here were presents, here was cheer and joy and my GOD I miss those kids. Tori had a bead and bracelet set that she was all kinds of in love with, and CJ had an electric guitar and played some blues for us - I can't wait to get together with him in a few years and jam out a few tunes. CJ's doing great in school, A's and B's, and Tori's just about as sweet as they come and I swear they've both grown years in the past few months. The events of my life lately and all the drama have been constantly pushing to the front, but in the depths of my heart I love these two and being with them last night was like putting a bandage on a wound. We're going to go bowling this Tuesday before I go to work and Carl said that anytime I wanted to get them on the weekends to do something fun I was more than welcome.

So Christmas was saved in the last hour at the Day residence.

"God bless us, every one."